Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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