..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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