I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
