That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
