wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
