I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
there is glitter all over my balls
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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