Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
