hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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