the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
