do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
