If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
