rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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