True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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