My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
