wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
