oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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