at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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