i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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