So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
