There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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