just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
