You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i already hear my dad disowning me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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