I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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