arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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