i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
