I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
