I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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