this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
