im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
