Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
