You work out of a Hotel?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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