i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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