handjob tips. give me some.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Maybe he injected his testicle?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
