So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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