My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
