how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was not drunk enough for that final.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
