morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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