My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
