she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
