My friends, they love my intelligence
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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