I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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