It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
