Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
