Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
