Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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