I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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