taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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