It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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