I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
