can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
