I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My life is pants optional.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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